Feature from awordinyoureye.com
FROM THE BOOK
"ENQUIRE WITHIN UPON EVERYTHING"
The following articles were taken from the book, “ENQUIRE WITHIN UPON EVERYTHING” published in 1856
191. HUSBAND AND WIFE
Being hints to each other for the good
of both, as actually delivered at our own table
192. HINTS FOR WIVES
If your husband occasionally looks a little
troubled when he comes home, do not say to him, with an alarmed countenance,
“What ails you, my dear?” Don’t bother him; he will tell you of his
own accord, if need be. Don’t rattle a hailstorm of fun
about his ears either; be observant and quiet. Don’t suppose
whenever he is silent and thoughtful that you are of course the cause.
Let him alone until he is inclined to talk; take up your book or your needlework
(pleasantly, cheerfully; no pouting – no sullenness), and wait until he
is inclined to be sociable. Don’t let him ever find a shirt-button
missing. A shirt-button being off a collar or wrist-band has frequently
produced the first hurricane in married life. Men’s shirt-collars
never fit exactly – see that your husband’s are made as well as possible
and then, if he does fret a little about them, never mind it; men have
a prescriptive right to fret about shirt-collars.
193. HINTS FOR HUSBANDS
If your wife complains that young ladies
“now-a-day” are very forward, don’t accuse her of jealousy. A little
concern on her part only proves her love for you, and you may enjoy your
triumph without saying a word. Don’t evince your weakness either,
by complaining of every trifling neglect. What though her chair
is not set so close to yours as it used to be, or though her knitting and
crochet seem to absorb too large a share of her attention, depend upon
it that, as her eyes watch the intertwinings of the threads, and the manoeuvres
of the needles as they dance in compliance to her delicate fingers, she
is thinking of courting days, love letters, smiles, tears, suspicions,
and reconciliations, by which your two hearts became entwined together
in the network of love, whose meshes you can neither of you unravel or
escape.
194. HINTS FOR WIVES
Never complain that your husband pores
too much over the newspaper, to the exclusion of that pleasing converse
which you formerly enjoyed with him. Don’t hide the paper; don’t give it
to the children to tear; don’t be sulky when the boy leaves it at the door;
but take it in pleasantly, and lay it down before your spouse. Think what
man would be without a newspaper; treat it as a great agent in the work
of civilisation, which it assuredly is; and think how much good newspapers
have done by exposing bad husbands and bad wives, by giving their errors
to the eye of the public. But manage you in this way: when your husband
is absent, instead of gossipping (sic) with neighbours, or looking into
shop windows, sit down quietly, and look over that paper; run your eye
over its home and foreign news; glance rapidly at the accidents and casualties;
carefully scan the leading articles; and at tea-time, when your husband
again takes up the paper, say, “My dear, what an awful state of things
there seems to be in India,”; or “what a terrible calamity at the Glasgow
theatre,”; or “trade appears to be flourishing in the north,”! and depend
upon it down will go the paper. If he has not read the information, he
will hear it all from your lips, and when you have done, he will ask, “Did
you, my dear, read Simpson’s letter upon the discovery of chloroform?”
And whether you did or not, you will gradually get into as cosy a chat
as you ever enjoyed; and you will soon discover that, rightly used, the
newspaper is the wife’s real friend, for it keeps the husband at home,
and supplies capital topics for every-day table-talk.
195. HINTS FOR HUSBANDS
You can hardly imagine how refreshing
it is to occasionally call up the recollection of your courting days. How
tediously the hours rolled away prior to the appointed time of meeting;
how swift they seemed to fly, when met; how fond was the first greeting;
how tender the last embrace; how fervent were your vows; how vivid your
dreams of future happiness, when, returning to your home, you felt yourself
secure in the confessed love of the object of your warm affections. Is
your dream realised? – are you so happy as you expected? Why not? Consider
whether as a husband you are as fervent and constant as you were when a
lover. Remember that the wife’s claims to your unremitting regard – great
before marriage, are now exalted to a much higher degree. She has left
the world for you – the home of her childhood, the fireside of her parents,
their watchful care and sweet intercourse have all been yielded up for
you. Look then most jealously upon all that may tend to attract you from
home, and to weaken that union upon which your temporal happiness mainly
depends; and believe that in the solemn relationship of husband is to be
found one of the best guarantees for man’s honour and happiness.
196. HINTS FOR WIVES
Perchance you think that your husband’s
disposition is much changed; that he is no longer the sweet-tempered, ardent
lover he used to be. This may be a mistake. Consider his struggles
with the world – his everlasting race with the busy competition of trade.
What is it makes him so eager in the pursuit of gain – so energetic by
day, so sleepless by night – but his love of home, wife, and children,
and a dread that their respectability, according to the light in which
he has conceived it, may be encroached upon by the strife of existence.
This is the true secret of that silent care which preys upon the hearts
of many men; and true it is, that when love is least apparent, it is nevertheless
the active principle which animates the heart, though fears and disappointments
make up a cloud which obscures the warmer element. As above the clouds
there is glorious sunshine, while below are showers and gloom, so with
the conduct of man – behind the gloom of anxiety is a bright fountain of
high and noble feeling. Think of this in those moments when clouds seem
to lower upon your domestic peace, and, by tempering your conduct accordingly,
the gloom will soon pass away, and warmth and brightness take its place.
199. HINTS FOR HUSBANDS
When once a man has established a home,
his most important duties have fairly begun. The errors of youth
may be overlooked; want of purpose, and even of honour, in his earlier
days may be forgotten. But from the moment of his marriage he begins
to write his indelible history; not by pen and ink, but by actions – by
which he must ever afterwards be reported and judged. His conduct at home;
his solicitude (showing interest and concern) for his family; the training
of his children; his devotion to his wife; his regards for the great interests
of eternity; these are the tests by which his worth will ever afterwards
be estimated by all who think or care about him. These will determine
his position while living, and influence his memory when dead. He
uses well or ill the brief space allotted to him, out of all eternity,
to build up a fame founded upon the most solid of all foundations – private
worth; and God will judge him, and man judge of him, accordingly.
200. HINTS FOR WIVES
Don’t imagine when you have obtained a
husband, that your attention to personal neatness and deportment may be
relaxed. Now, in reality, is the time for you to exhibit superior
taste and excellence in the cultivation of your address, and the becoming
elegance of your appearance. If it required some little care to foster
the administration of a lover – how much more is requisite to keep yourself
lovely in the eyes of him, to whom there is now no privacy or disguise
– your hourly companion? And if it was due to your lover that
you should always present to him, who proposed to wed and cherish you,
a neat and lady-like aspect; how much more is he entitled to a similar
mark of respect, who has kept his promise with honourable fidelity, and
linked all his hopes of future happiness with yours? If you can manage
these matters without appearing to study them, so much the better.
Some husbands are impatient of the routine of the toilette, and not unreasonably
so – they possess active and energetic spirits, sorely disturbed by any
waste of time. Some wives have discovered an admirable facility in
dealing with this difficulty; and it is a secret which, having been discovered
by some, may be known to all – and is well worth the finding out.
201. HINTS FOR HUSBANDS
Custom entitles you to be considered the
“lord and master” over your household. But don’t assume the master
and sink the lord. Remember that noble generosity, forbearance, amiability,
and integrity, are among the more lordly attributes of man. As a husband,
therefore, exhibit the true nobility of man, and seek to govern your own
household by the display of high moral excellence. A domineering spirit
– a fault-finding petulance – impatience of trifling delays – and the exhibition
of unworthy passions at the slightest provocation, can add no laurel to
your own “lordly” brow, impart no sweetness to home, and call forth no
respect from those by whom you may be surrounded. It is one thing to be
a master – another thing to be a man. The latter should be the husband’s
aspiration; for he who cannot govern himself is ill-qualified to govern
another.
202. HINTS TO WIVES
It is astonishing how much the cheerfulness
of a wife contributes to the happiness of home. She is the
sun – the centre of a domestic system, and her children are like planets
around her, reflecting her rays. How merry the little ones look when
the mother is joyous and good-tempered; and how easily and pleasantly her
household labours are overcome! Her cheerfulness is reflected everywhere;
it is seen in the neatness of her toilette, the order of her table, and
even the seasoning of her dishes. We remember hearing a husband say that
he could always guage (sic) the temper of his wife by the quality of her
cooking: good temper even influenced the seasoning of her soups, and the
lightness and delicacy of her pastry. When ill-temper pervades, the pepper
is dashed in as a cloud; perchance the top of the pepper-box is included,
as a kind of diminutive thunderbolt; the salt is all in lumps; and the
spices seem to betake themselves all to one spot in a pudding, as if dreading
the frowning face above them. If there be a husband who could abuse the
smiles of a really good-tempered wife, we should like to look at him! No,
no, such a phenomenon does not exist. Among elements of domestic happiness,
the amiability of the wife and mother is of the utmost importance – it
is one of the best securities for THE HAPPINESS OF HOME.
Other articles taken from the same book
109. DAUGHTERS
Mothers, who wish not only to discharge
well their own duties in the domestic circle, but to train up their daughters
at a later day to make happy and comfortable firesides for their families,
should watch well, and guard well, the notions which they imbibe and with
which they grow up. There will be so many persons ready to fill their young
heads with false and vain fancies, and there is so much always afloat in
society opposed to duty and common sense, that if mothers do not watch
well, they may contract ideas very fatal to their future happiness and
usefulness, and hold them till they grow into habits of thought or feeling.
A wise mother will have her eyes open, and be ready for every case. A few
words of common, downright, respectable, practical sense, timely uttered
by her, may be enough to counteract some foolish idea or belief put into
her daughter’s head by others, whilst, if it be left unchecked, it may
take such possession of the mind that it cannot later be corrected. One
main falsity abroad in this age is the notion, that women, unless compelled
to it by absolute poverty, are out of place when engaged in domestic affairs.
Now, mothers should have a care lest their daughters get hold of this conviction
as regards themselves – there is danger of it; the fashion of the day endangers
it, and the care that an affectionate family take to keep a girl, during
the time of her education, free from other occupations than those of her
tasks or her recreations, also endangers it. It is possible that affection
may err in pushing this care too far; for as education means a fitting
for life, and as a woman’s life is much connected with domestic and family
affairs, or ought to be so, if the indulgent consideration of parents abstains
from all demands upon the young pupil of the school not connected with
her books or her play, will she not naturally infer that the matters with
which she is never asked to concern herself are, in fact, no concerns to
her, and that any attention she ever may bestow on them is not a matter
of simple duty, but of grace, or concession, or stooping, on her part?
Let mothers avoid such danger. If they would do so, they must bring up
their daughters from the first with the idea that in this world it is required
to give as well as to receive, to minister as well as to enjoy; that every
person is bound to be useful, practically, literally useful, in his own
sphere, and that a woman’s first sphere is the house, and its concerns
and demands. Once really imbued with this belief, and taught to see
how much the comfort and happiness of woman herself, as well as of her
family, depends on this part of her discharge of duty, and a young girl
will usually be anxious to learn all that her mother is disposed to teach,
and will be proud and happy to aid in any domestic occupations assigned
to her, which need never be made so heavy as to interfere with the peculiar
duties of her age, or its peculiar delights. If a mother wishes to see
her daughter become a good, happy, and rational woman, never let her admit
of contempt for domestic occupations, or even suffer them to be deemed
secondary. They may be varied in character by station, but they can
never be secondary to a woman.
282. THE FEMALE TEMPER
No trait of character is more agreeable
in a female than the possession of a sweet temper. Home can never be happy
without it. It is like the flowers that spring up in our pathway, reviving
and cheering us. Let a man go home at night, wearied and worn by
the toils of the day, and how soothing is a word dictated by a good disposition!
It is sunshine falling on his heart. He is happy, and the cares of
life are forgotten. A sweet temper has a soothing influence over
the minds of a whole family. Where it is found in the wife and mother,
you observe a kindness and love predominating over the natural feelings
of a bad heart. Smiles, kind words and looks, characterise the children,
and peace and love have their dwelling there. Study, then, to acquire and
attain a sweet temper.
791. GOSSIPING
If you wish to cultivate a gossiping,
meddling, censorious spirit in your children, be sure when they come home
from church, a visit, or any other place where you do not accompany them,
to ply them with questions concerning what everybody wore, how everybody
looked, and what everybody said and did; and if you find anything in this
to censure, always do it in their hearing. You may rest assured, if you
pursue a course of this kind, they will not return to you un-laden with
intelligence; and, rather than it should be uninteresting, they will by
degrees learn to embellish, in such a manner as shall not fail, to call
forth remarks and expressions of wonder from you. You will, by this
course, render the spirit of curiosity, which is so early visible in children,
and, which, if rightly directed, may be made the instrument of enriching
and enlarging their minds – a vehicle of mischief which shall serve only
to narrow them.
1617. RULES OF PRONUNCIATION
1634. H should always be sounded except
in the following words: -
heir; herb; honest; hospital; hour; humour
and humble, and all their derivatives, such as humourously.
161. H OR NO H? THAT IS THE QUESTION
(Mrs Hitching is looking for a house in
Hampstead with her friend.) On the way to
see the house, Mrs H explained to me that she should like to take the
house as tenant from ’ear to ’ear – but she thought landlords would
hobject to such an agreement, as when they got a good tenant they liked
to ’old ’im as long as they could. She expressed an opinion that ’Ampstead
must be very ’ealthy because it was so ’igh hup.
When we reached the house, she said, “Now,
there’s a helegant little place – just suited to my hideas – about height
rooms, and a horiel hover the hentrance.”
We knocked on the door. The servant opened
it.
“I see that this ’ouse is to let.”
“Yes, ma’am it is. Will you walk in?”
“’Ow many rooms are there?”
“Eleven ma’am. But if you will step
in, mistress will speak to you.”
As we did, a very grateful lady came over
to us.
“The house is to let – and a very pleasant
residence we have found it.”
“’Ave you hoccupied it long?”
“Our family has resided here for more
than nine years.”
“Then, I suppose, your lease ’as run
hout!”
“No! we have it for five years longer;
but my brother, who is a clergyman, is going to live in Yorkshire, and
for his sake, and for the pleasure of his society, we desire to remove.”
“Well – there’s nothing like keeping
families together for the sake of ’appiness. Now, there’s my poor dear
’Itching - ’e’s ’itherto been hat ’ome so seldom, that I’ve ’ardly hever
known what ’appiness his.”
As we then went through the rooms, she
always seemed to have an hobjection to this or a ’atred for that
or would give a ’int which might be useful.
1611. VARIOUS CONVERSATIONS OVERHEARD
4. Omnibus driver
“This ’ere young hoss has only bin in
’arness once afore, and if I leave ’im, he’ll be a-running ’hoff, and a
smashin’ into suthun.”
6. By the sea-side
“Hey Blanche, there’s a fella shwimping.
S’pose we ask him if he can get us some pwans for breakfast to-mowaw mawning?”
11. Two Cockney boys
“Jack, whereabouts is ’Amstid-am?”
“Well, I can’t say exacerly, but I know
it’s somewhere near ’Amstid-eath!”
12. Domestic-servant girl (very refined)
“You wish to leave? Why, I thought you
were very comfortable with me.”
“Ho yes, mum! I don’t find no fault with
you, mum - nor yet with master - but the truth his, mum – the hother servants
is so ’orrid vulgar and hignorant, and speaks so hungrammatical, that I
reely cannot live in the same ’ouse with ’em – and I should like to go,
if so be has it won’t illconvenience you.”
14. Cockney hairdresser
“They say, sir, the cholera is in the
hair, sir”
“Indeed! ahem! Then I hope you’re very
particular about the brushes you use.”
“Oh, I see, you don’t hunderstand me,
sir - I don’t mean the ’air of the ed, but the hair hof the hatmosphere.”
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