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go to second set of children's jokes
This is the first set of CHILDREN'S
(#C001) Hide and seek
Mr & Mrs Levy had two sons. They were brothers, of course. One brother was called MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS and the other brother was called TROUBLE.
One day, the two brothers were playing hide and seek in the street and it was TROUBLE’s turn to hide. While MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS was counting to 100, TROUBLE ran down the street and hid inside a thick hedge.
Then MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS started looking for his brother. He looked behind some trees, he looked inside some cars parked in the street and he even looked under the cars, but he couldn’t find his brother. But when MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS started to look inside dustbins, a policeman saw him doing this and came over to have a word with him.
The policeman said, “And what, may I ask, are you doing little boy?”
And the boy replied, “Playing a game.”
The policeman then asked, “What’s your name?”
And the boy replied, “MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.”
The Policeman got angry and said loudly, “Are you looking for trouble?”
And the boy replied, “Yes.”
(#C002) Bees hair
“Mummy,” says little Issy, “Why do bees have sticky hair?”
”Because they use honeycombs.”
(#C003) The story teller
One day, Emma the teacher is reading out loud to her class the story of Chicken Little. Emma soon reads out the bit where Chicken Little tries to warn the farmer. “So Chicken Little went over to the farmer and said, ‘The sky is falling, the sky is falling.”
Emma then asks her class, "What do you think the farmer then said?"
Little Moshe raises his hand. "I think he said, ‘Goodness, a talking chicken."
(#C004) The fur coat
Little Abe was talking to his older brother Isaac.
“Isaac,” asks Abe, “why do bears have fur coats?”
Isaac replies, “That’s easy. It’s because they'd look silly in anoraks.”
(#C005) Pet request
“Daddy,” says little Melissa, “Can you buy me a budgie?”
“Not now, darling,” he replies, “now is not the right time.”
“So when is the right time to buy a budgie, Daddy?” Melissa asks.
“When they're going cheap,” replies Daddy
(#C006) Visit to the zoo
Mummy and daddy have taken little Issy to London Zoo. They were watching the lions.
“Mummy,” says Issy, “what’s a lion's favourite food?”
”Why, baked beings of course,” she replies.
(#C007) Lions in the park
Little Yitzhak was talking to his best friend Harry.
“Harry,” he says, “I was surrounded by lions in the park this afternoon.”
“What,” says Harry, “lions in the park?”
“Yes,” replies Yitzhak, “dandelions.”
(#C008) Shabbos meal
It was Friday night and little Sam was having his Shabbos meal with his parents. They were, as usual, going to eat roast chicken.
When it arrived, Sam’s daddy smiled and said, “Sam, do you know why this roast chicken is like an armchair?”
“Because they're both full of stuffing, that’s why,” said his daddy.
(#C009) Knock Knock
”Abe C D E F G H...”
(#C010) Late again
Emma was telling her mummy a story about a witch who arrived at a hotel without her broom because the broom was late.
“Why was the broom late, Emma?” asked her mummy.
“Because it over swept, mummy. And, mummy, do you know what the witch asked for when she went to reception?”
“What did she ask for, Emma?”
Mummy and daddy had taken little Benjy to Blooms kosher restaurant.
During their first course, Benjy says, “This soup tastes funny, daddy.”
His daddy replies, “So why aren’t you laughing?”
(#C012) The bargain
Little Morris was telling his friend Cyril all about his Chanukah presents.
“My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It’s the best present I've ever had.”
“Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don’t play it.”
(#C013) Bottom at the top
Little Max was telling his friend Howard a riddle.
“What has a bottom at the top?”
Howard said, “I don't know, Max. What does have a bottom at the top?”
“Why it’s your legs, of course.”
(#C014) Fish meal
Little Sidney was watching his mummy prepare the fish for dinner.
She asks him, “Do you know what part of a fish weighs the most, darling?”
”No,” he replies.
“It’s the scales.”
(#C015) Angry teacher
Emma was telling her little sister Melissa all about school.
Emma says, “My teacher shouted at me today for something I didn't do.”
So what didn't you do?” asks Melissa.
Emma replies, “My homework.”
(#C016) Visit to the butchers
Little Naomi goes to her kosher butchers and asks, “Mummy wants to know how much is the duck?”
The butcher replies, “£12.”
“OK,” says Naomi, “Could you please send us the bill.”
”I'm sorry,” says the butcher, “but you'll have to take the whole bird.”
(#C017) Clock watching
Little David was staring at the clock on the mantelpiece.
Then he says, “Daddy, what do people do in clock factories?”
His daddy replies, “They make faces all day.”
(#C018) Dead Sea
Benjamin was enjoying his trip to the Red Sea.
During dinner, Benjamin says, “Daddy, if you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?”
His daddy replies, “Wet, of course.”
(#C019) Hebrew Lesson
During his Hebrew lesson, little Alan asks his teacher, Where was King Solomon's temple, teacher?
”On his forehead.” Replies the teacher.
(#C020) The cross eyed teacher
Little Sarah was telling her best friend Naomi that her teacher's eyes are always crossed.
“Why is that?” asked Naomi.
“Because she can’t control her pupils.”
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